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“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:
1. Pain is part of growing.
Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’restruggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
2. Everything in life is temporary.
Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it.
3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing.
Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
4. Your scars are symbols of your strength.
Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars. See your scars as a sign of “YES! I MADE IT! I survived and I have my scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”
5. Every little struggle is a step forward.
In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion. It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end. It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills. It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar. It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers. It could mean lots of time alone in solitude. Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible. It gives you the space you need. Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine. You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path. And it’s worth it. So if you’re going to try, go all the way. There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE.
6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem.
Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future. People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it. Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once. This is IT. So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.
7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.
True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.
8. The best thing you can do is to keep going.
Don’t be afraid to get back up. Don’t be afraid to love again. Don’t let the cracks in your heart turn to hardened scar tissue. Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Remember that you don’t need many people in your life, just a few great ones, so don’t lower yourself to have more ‘friends.’ Be strong when things get tough. Remember that the universe is always doing what’s right. Recognize when you’re wrong and learn from it. Don’t hold on too tightly. Always look back and see how much you’ve grown, and be proud of yourself. Don’t change for anyone, unless you want to. Give more. Give the things you love so others can love them too. Write stories. Take photos. Remember the little moments and the way your loved ones look at you.
Just keep being YOU. Keep growing. Keep going.
If you’re in search of a truly unique vacation experience during the winter season, then the Aqua Dome Thermal Resort in Austria is right up your alley.
Rather than finding ways to escape the snowy weather conditions the winter season brings about, Aqua Dome promotes it. Providing rest and relaxation for nearly 350,000 visitors each year, this beautiful resort is nestled within the snow covered mountains of Austria. The focal point of the resort is the three bowl-shaped swimming pools that are elevated above the more traditional 25 meter lap pool below. These aren’t just ordinary pools either. Aside from the unique architectural aspects, each pool is filled with thermal water sourced from a reservoir located over 1,800 meters below the ground, and features underwater music and lighting effects for a club-like experience. The hotel itself is home to 200 rooms, and a rooftop observation deck to really take in the mountainous views surrounding the property.
Source: Aqua Dome
In what way is the fear of rejection holding you back? How would your life be different if you didn’t care whether everyone liked you and agreed with you, or not?
To answer these questions, we must understand that the vast majority of our fears and anxieties amount to one thing: Loss.
Fear is an instinctual human emotion designed to keep us aware and safe – like the headlights on a car clearly illuminating the twists and turns on the road ahead. But too much fear, like high beams blinding us on a dark, foggy road, can cause the loss of the very thing we feared losing in the first place.
This is especially true when it comes to fear of rejection. Let me give you an example from my own life:
When I was a teenager, I was always the outcast trying desperately to fit in with my peers. I bounced around to three different schools, and various social circles in each school within a four-year timespan, and I faced rejection after rejection. I can distinctly remember shooting hoops on the basketball court by myself on numerous occasions, always the new kid, always longing for acceptance.
For the longest time, I thought these childhood “outcast” experiences were the root cause of my obsessive, people-pleasing ways in my adulthood. In my twenties, I was always looking for signs that others didn’t like me. I would seek reassurance, always wondering what people “really” thought of me.
Do you look for acceptance and reassurance from others too?
Constantly seeking acceptance and reassurance from other people is a dead end. These things can only be found within you, not from others. Why? Because any look, word, or reaction from someone else can be warped and misinterpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn’t.
My fear also extended beyond my personal relationships. I was a budding writer and hesitated to start my site for several months, for fear of having my writing judged and rejected by others.
In this post I want to share some tips that helped me feel self-assured and eventually allowed me to overcome my fear of rejection.
1. Realize that fear itself is the real enemy.
Franklin D. Roosevelt so profoundly said, “Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. This is especially true as it relates to self-fulfilling prophecies.
A self-fulfilling prophecy is a false belief about a situation that motivates the person with the belief to take actions that cause the belief to come true. This kind of thinking often kills opportunities and tears relationships apart. For instance, you might wrongly believe that a group of people will reject you, so you become defensive, anxious, and perhaps even hostile with them. Eventually, your behavior brings about the feared rejection, which wasn’t there to begin with. And then you, ‘the prophet,’ feels that you were right from the very beginning: “I knew they didn’t like me!”
Do you see how this works? Look carefully at your own tendencies. How do your fears and beliefs about possible rejection influence your behavior toward others? Take a stand. Instead of letting fear show you what might be wrong in your relationships, start looking for signs of what might be right.
2. Let go of your “end of the world” thinking.
All variations of fear, including the fear of rejection, thrive on “end of the world” thinking. In other words, our emotions convince us that an undesirable outcome results in annihilation.
So ask yourself: “If disaster should strike, and my fear of being rejected comes true, what are three constructive ways I could cope and move forward with my life?” Sit down and tell yourself a story (write it down too if it helps) about how you will feel after rejection, how you will allow yourself to be upset for a short while, and then how you will begin the process of growing from the experience and moving on. Just doing this exercise will help you to feel less fear around the possibility of rejection.
3. Question what “rejection” really means.
If a person discovers a 200-carat white diamond in the earth but, due to ignorance, believes it to be worthless, and thus tosses it aside, does this tell us more about the diamond or the person? Along the same lines, when one person rejects another, it reveals a lot more about the “rejecter” than the “rejected.” All you are really seeing is the, often shortsighted, opinion of one person. Consider the following…
If J.K. Rowling stopped after being rejected by multiple publishers for years, there would be no Harry Potter. If Howard Schultz gave up after being turned down by banks 200+ times, there would be no Starbucks. If Walt Disney quit too soon after his theme park concept was trashed by 300+ investors, there would be no Disney World.
One thing is for sure: If you give too much power to the opinions of others, you will become their prisoner. So never let someone’s opinion alter your reality. Never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, just because someone else has a problem with it. Love who you are inside and out, and keep pushing forward. No one else has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power. And when someone rejects you, don’t inevitably feel it’s because you’re unworthy or unlovable, because all they’ve done is give you clear feedback about their own shortsightedness.
4. Let your presence overpower your fear.
Ever noticed how people who are struggling with emotional problems tend to tell you how they don’t want to feel? Fair enough, but at some point we all need to focus on how we DO want to feel.
When you’re in a social situation that’s making you anxious, forget what you don’t want to feel for a moment. Work out how you DO want to feel right now in the present moment. Train yourself to live right here, right now without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgment.
This is YOUR choice. You CAN change the way you think.
If you were delivering life-saving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on your mother in public, you’d be 100% focused and present. You wouldn’t be thinking about what bystanders thought of your hair, your body type, or the brand of jeans you were wearing. All these inconsequential details would vanish from your consciousness. The intensity of the situation would motivate you to choose not to care about what others might be thinking of you. This proves, quite simply, that thinking about what others are thinking about you is YOUR CHOICE.
5. Let go of your need to always be right.
The reason your fear of rejection sometimes gets the best of you is because a part of you believes you’re always right. If you think someone doesn’t like you, then surely they don’t. Right? WRONG!
People who never learn to question their emotions, especially when they’re feeling nervous or anxious, make life much more difficult than it has to be. If your perception is always so accurate, why do you make so many mistakes? Exactly. It’s time to let go a little. Being more confident in life partly means being OK with not knowing what’s going to happen, so you can relax and allow things to play out naturally. Relaxing with “not knowing” is the key to confidence in relationships and peace in life.
So here’s a new mantra for you – say it, and then say it again: “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons. I have nothing to prove. And as long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”
6. Embrace and enjoy your individuality.
Constantly seeking approval means we’re perpetually worried that others are forming negative judgments of us. This steals the fun, ingenuity, and spontaneity from our lives. Flip the switch on this habit. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t change. Uniqueness is priceless. In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your remarkable self. And if they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same.
It takes a lot of courage to stand alone, but it’s worth it. Being unapologetically YOU is worth it! Your real friends in life will reveal themselves slowly – they’re the ones who truly know you and love you just the same. Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
7. Use rejection as a priceless growth opportunity.
As soon as someone critiques and criticizes you, as soon as you are rejected, you might find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am not worthy.” What you need to realize is, these other people are NOT worthy of YOU and your particular journey. Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can quickly find new ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.
“Will you be bitter for a moment? Absolutely. Hurt? Of course, you’re human. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the awareness of rejection. For a short time afterwards you will ask yourself every question you can think of…
As you look back on your life, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better. You can’t control everything – especially the opinions of others. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen the way it’s supposed to. Because sometimes the outcomes you can’t change, end up changing you and helping you grow into your strongest, smartest self.
The floor is yours…In what ways do you struggle with the fear of rejection? How do you cope? Please leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
With the new year’s right around the corner, many of us start to ambitiously muster up a new list of goals. One study of people trying to quit smoking showed that over 50% were confident they would succeed, but only 12% did. While a broader study showed that a rather uplifting 39% of people in their twenties actually achieved their resolutions. Although a low total of only 8%. If you’re in your twenties, don’t get ahead of yourself just yet, and if you’re not; it’s just statistics. Don’t let it slow you down!
1. Don’t Talk Big Before Doing Anything
This study actually shows that announcing your goals before you actually do something can do more harm than good. One theory is that it gives you the illusion of progress, of having done something, and makes you feel better about yourself. That way it’s easier to decide that you don’t really need to change your ways after all when the time comes to do the actual heavy lifting. But no matter the reason,
2. Write Your Goals Down
A recent study by Dr. Gail Matthews that writing goals down increases your chances of success. So do just that. Write your goals down.
3. Tell A Supportive Friend
The same study indicates a much higher rate of success among the group of students who wrote down their commitments and sent them to a supportive friend.
4. Track And Share Weekly Progress With A Friend
Finally, the study(I know, helpful study right?) showed the highest rate of success among people who not only told a supportive friend, but actively updated them on the progress. In the study it was a weekly commitment, so why shy away from a winning formula!
5. Get Specific
A different study revealed that getting specific can mean the difference between failure and success. So when you’re writing down your goals, don’t leave them in the abstract. In fact, I am in the middle of a “superhuman productivity week”, and I managed to meet all my specific goals, but not less specific “read 100 pages of a useful book per day” that I have yet to meet. So don’t be afraid to get specific. And then a little more, and then a little more. Until there’s no mistaking what you’re supposed to do.
6. Focus On The Progress
According to this lifehacker article, a study found that receiving positive feedback actually increased the chances of success. So do yourself a favor, focus on the progress and allow yourself the drive to continue until you reach your goal.
7. Don’t Reward Yourself In A Counterproductive Way
Alarmingly, another study found that reminding dieters of their progress, made them more likely to reward themselves in an unhealthy manner. It actually made them make less progress! So while focusing on the positives is more likely to keep you going, it is also more likely to make you want to reward yourself.
So, while it can be tempting to reward yourself with an unhealthy snack when you’ve made significant progress, don’t take it overboard. If you notice that the first reward starts an unhealthy trend, find a better, less counterproductive way to reward yourself. Like going out to watch a movie, or catch a comedy show. The same goes if you’re trying to bulk up, or just trying to get in better shape. Don’t start slacking off because you’ve done well.
8. Give Yourself A Money Incentive
A recent study by Mayo Clinic demonstrated a significant increase in weight loss in people who were given a money incentive. There are many ways to do this, but here are two ideas. Make a bet with your closest friends, as they will likely be happy to participate knowing that it actually increases your chances. Another option is a website called stickk, where you will commit money to achieving a goal, if you fail it gets donated to a charity you disagree with, and if you succeed you get your money back. Plus these two ways have something in common, the incentive has an aspect of losing money. And given that most of us have a tendency to feel stronger about potential loss than potential gains(see loss aversion), that’s just an added bonus.
Bonus: Don’t Go Overboard
While you’re now statistically more likely to achieve the goals you set, if you go crazy and try to achieve all your dreams in one fell swoop, it is likely that you’re going to get overwhelmed and quit. Although I couldn’t find the statistics to back it up, I have been a victim of this particular brand of hubris before, and it didn’t end well for me at all. So in addition to all the things mentioned above, use common sense.
Happy holidays, happy new year, and I hope this post contributed to some great success stories still in the making!
Writer: Ragnar Miljeteig
How well have you chosen your words? Have you put them to positive or negative use? If I eavesdropped on your self-talk, or your conversations with others, would I hear statements that create happiness or statements that refute it?
Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. Even the small words you whisper under your breath can be the ones to hurt you, or save you. Your ability to write a happy life story hinges on your language. It is your inner and outer verbal expression that makes your joy possible and that infuses your life with purpose and vitality.
Today, I challenge you to choose your words wisely. It’s time to STOP saying…
1. “My goals and dreams can wait.”
To accomplish great things, you must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe. Be a dreamer, a believer, and a courageous and cheerful thinker. Be a positive motivator, a productive doer, and a go-getter who keeps her head in the clouds and her feet on the ground. Let the spirit of passion and possibility ignite a fire within you to do something worthwhile today, and don’tforget to spread your enthusiasm to those around you.
There’s no excuse for being an amateur forever. Life is short. The day is rapidly approaching when the risk to remain perched in your nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly. Fly! Spread your wings. Start now. What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential.
Be bold enough to use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart, and strong enough to live the life you’ve always imagined. And remember, people are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think.
2. “I don’t have a choice.”
William James once said, “When you have a choice to make and you don’t make it, that in itself is a choice.” Nothing could be closer to the truth.
Ultimately, life has no meaning; you have a meaning and you bring it to life. It is a waste to always be questioning yourself when you are the answer. Until you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “I have a choice. I am here now because of the choices I’ve made in the past,” you will never be able to say, “I choose differently.”
You’re choosing, all day, every day. If you’re struggling at a job you don’t love, look at it this way: you’re choosing to make a living to pay your mortgage, support your family, and fuel your dreams. Don’t resist it; own it – that’s where your power is. If you’re in a relationship that’s causing you pain, you’re choosing to be in it. Maybe staying will lead to essential growth or a breakthrough or a deeper understanding of love. Or not. But you’re choosing to be in or out, right now. Whichever you choose, own it – that’s where your power is.
3. “They are probably right, so I must be wrong.”
Don’t allow others to confuse you. Don’t let them convince your heart what is right for you. Your heart already knows. Listen to it. Don’t let anyone dilute the power of your inner voice. You’ve got to stand up for something specific, on your own two feet, or you will achieve nothing worthwhile in your own mind. Within you there is formidable and undeniable sense of purpose. Happiness comes from making a solid and persistent connection to that purpose. When your intentions are supported by a “why” that has meaning, you will find the “how” to bring them to life.
Bottom line: What’s right for you may be wrong for others, and vice versa. The truth is that the world isn’t really as it is, but as we see it. And we all see it differently. So don’t be scared to step out of line. It’s OK to go off the beaten path, as long as you know why going a different way is right for you. Some people may resent the freedom that you create in your life when you choose to be true to yourself. If you come across these people, ignore them and carry on.
4. “This sucks.”
The worst obstacle in life is a bad attitude. Remember, it’s not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happens to you. You can’t let one bad moment spoil a bunch of good ones. Don’t let the silly little dramas of each day get you down. Smile, even when it feels like things are falling apart. Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy; sometimes it just means you’re strong.
Likewise, do not let the negative opinions of others derail you. Throughout your life you will meet two kinds of people: those who are a drain on your energy and try to derail your dreams, and those who give you the energy to pursue your dreams. Ignore the first kind and cherish the second. People that doubt, judge, and disrespect you are not worth your time and attention.
5. “I hate you.”
As Martin Luther King Jr. so profoundly said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Truth be told, when we harbor feelings of hate, it eventually gets the best of us. Everything and everyone you hate rents permanent space in both your head and heart. So if you want to eliminate something or someone from your mind, don’t hate. Instead, disconnect yourself, move on, and don’t look back.
And remember that getting even doesn’t help you get ahead. You will never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with them. Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it; we forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we cannot move forward without it. To forgive is to rediscover the inner peace and purpose that at first you thought someone took away when they betrayed you.
6. “I can’t.”
Yes you CAN! Stop stressing over what could have been, because the chances are if it should have been, it would have been. You may feel discouraged. You may feel upset. You may feel too old. You may be sick. You may be divorced. You may be unemployed. You may be financially strapped. You may be… etc. But you’re not dead – YOU ARE ALIVE. Your journey is far from over.
Forget about how you thought things were supposed to be. Just because some things didn’t work out as you had expected, or didn’t happen as fast as you thought they would, is no excuse to give up on yourself. Time passes one way or the other. Do what you need to do so that, at the very least, you can look back someday and say, “I gave life my best shot.”
7. “I missed my chance.”
Nothing is permanent in this crazy world, not even your mistakes, failures, or troubles. So laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not be exactly where you had intended to go, but you are precisely where you need to be to take the next best step forward.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” This is your life; shape it, or someone else will try for you. Strength shows not only in the ability to hold on, but in the ability to start over when you must. It is never too late to become what you might have been. Keep learning, adapting, and growing. You may not be there yet, but you are closer than you were yesterday.
8. “Never mind… it’s not important…”
A great deal of unhappiness comes into the world because of confusion, bewilderment, and things left unsaid. Many times in life I’ve regretted the things I’ve said without thinking. But I’ve never regretted the things I said nearly as much as the words I’ve left unspoken.
Speak up. Don’t hide your thoughts and feelings, especially when you can make a difference. Be brave. Say what needs to be said. When you don’t communicate effectively with those around you, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said and a lot of beautiful emotion that ends up not being felt. There’s no greater sadness than holding on to the words you never had the courage to speak.
Your turn…What would you add to the list? What’s something you should NOT say if you want to increase your potential for happiness and success? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Manta Resort on Pemba Island is offering a truly special experience – a beautiful underwater bedroom in the Indian Ocean. The private floating island suite was designed by Swedish artist Mikael Genberg, who also built the first underwater hotel room in a lake in Sweden. The three-tiered suite includes a rooftop deck, a bathroom and a lounge area at sea level and finally the bedroom downstairs, with breathtaking views of astounding marine life. However, sleeping with the fishes doesn’t come cheap, booking a night in this exclusive room will cost you $900 per night for singles; or $1500 per night for a two-person stay, and you better plan ahead of time. Pretty amazing!
The president and co-founder of a local charity that directly cares for homeless people in our area is a 38-year-old musician and tattoo artist who’s covered from head to toe with tattoos and piercings, and has long brown dreadlocks that dangle below his waistline. He’s been running the charity since he was 20 and has helped hundreds of people get back on their feet, including a woman I know personally who is now a successful entrepreneur.
I just had a short, inspiring conversation with this unlikely hero a few minutes ago, and now I’m sitting here thinking about the dozens of happy, successful people I know like him who ignore stereotypes, negativity, and naysayers, and go against the grain to make a difference by doing things their own way… the right way.
And following in their footsteps isn’t hard either; you just have to start ignoring…
1. Other people’s judgments.
It’s OK to listen to others, but not at the full expense of your own intuition. Throughout your life there will be many times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.
When you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you truly are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be someone else to impress and inspire people. Let them be impressed and inspired by the real YOU. Honestly, what does life matter if you lose yourself along the way? Even your mentors should teach you HOW to think, not WHAT to think. So if someone – anyone – is belittling your truth, it might be time to turn the other way.
2. Old troubles from the past.
You can’t change what has already happened, so choose to look ahead instead of behind you. Don’t stress. Do your best. Forget the rest. Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you. Life is a beautiful circle. You’re strong because you know your weaknesses. You’re wise because you’ve been foolish. You can laugh now because you’ve known sadness.
It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn. Remember, oftentimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place. Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday. Everything is going to be come together – maybe not today, but eventually.
3. Each day’s little frustrations.
A bad day is just a bad day. It comes and it goes. Choose not to make it anything more. You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul. Go ahead and let go of them. Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles. It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation. It’s just a matter of dropping of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down.
Behind every beautiful day, there has been some kind of struggle. You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You’re human, not perfect. You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive today – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in your journey, but there is also lots of beauty. You must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it hurts, for you will never know what is waiting for you just around the bend.
Follow this daily to-do list and you’ll be just fine:
4. The necessary pain of hard work and growth.
There are two types of pain in life: pain that hurts you, and pain that changes you. But when you learn from it, they are one and the same. If you want something, you must endure the pain of working for it. It’s that simple. If you’re not where you want to be right now, take the time to visualize yourself in the place you want to be and take the first step in that direction. You may not be able to change your destination in a day, but you can change your direction right now.
Remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you couldn’t. Tough situations build strong, successful people. No matter how much it hurts now, you have to hold your head up, grit your teeth, and keep going. In the end, consistent action speaks for itself. So focus diligently, work hard in silence, and let your success be your noise.
5. Insignificant busywork.
In the beginning, you need to say “yes” to a lot of things to discover and establish your goals. Later on, you need to say “no” to a lot of things and concentrate on your goals. Stop over-committing and trying to do too much at once. Start saying “no” more often. If you never say “no,” you will take on too much and all you will achieve is stress and frustration.
As Bruce Lee once said, “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.” Many of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important. Don’t be one of them. It’s not what we claim are our priorities, but how we spend our time each day that reveals the truth. Let your daily actions reflect your highest priorities.
6. Impatient thoughts.
Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time. Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.
Whether you are working on improving your health, learning a new skill, or getting a business venture off the ground, you can’t expect instant gratification. Instead, you must dedicate yourself to the best of your ability and understand that real change takes time. Sometimes it may be hard to see your progress. Sometimes it will be frustrating when the results you seek don’t appear as quickly as you had hoped. Still, you are advancing. Hang in there. You may be moving things along slowly, but you are still moving a mountain.
7. The things that can’t be controlled.Never force anything.
Do your best, then let it be. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Stop talking about the problem and start thinking about the solution. Forget what could go wrong for a sec and think of what is already right.
Remember, change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be ideal or easy at first, but it will be worth it in the end. When times are good and everything is comfortably in order, it’s easy to become complacent and forget how skillful and resourceful you are capable of being. Unanticipated troubles are necessary evils that push you forward, because they eventually end, but the lessons and growth you gain from them last a lifetime.
8. Unfounded fears.
Life is about overcoming fear and taking risks. If you don’t take risks, you won’t know what you’re capable of. If you don’t risk anything, you risk everything. Truth be told, nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to expand your comfort zone so you can experience things and understand more… so that you may fear less in the long run.
The reality, of course, is we all get afraid sometimes. It’s not about not being afraid, but what you do when you feel that way. When you feel doubt, or fear, or anxiety, or frustration, know that you can let it go just as surely as you can pull your hand away from a flame. Keep your mind focused on the goodness, on the possibilities and on your most treasured goals. What begins in your mind ends up in your life. Think continually of the way you would like to be, let these thoughts drive your actions, and your reality will reliably catch up with your thinking.
9. The mind’s endless stream of doubts.
Believe in yourself through tough times. Believe in your capacity to succeed. Believe that your relationships are worth the effort. Believe that people make mistakes on their way to greatness. Believe that people can be foolish and intelligent, selfish and generous, and stressed and happy all at once. Believe that very few people hurt others on purpose. Believe that there are many roads to what’s right. Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths. Believe that the answers are out there waiting. Believe that life will surprise you again and again. Believe that the journey is the destination. Believe that it’s all worth your while.
Or as Roald Dahl once said, “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”
The floor is yours…Which of the points above have you struggled with? What else do we all need to ignore more often? Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.
The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. This is especially true when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others.
Tempering your expectations of other people will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering, in both your life and theirs, and help you refocus on the things that truly matter.
Which means it’s time to…
1. Stop expecting them to agree with you.You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to live a life you are excited about. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that. You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.
You have to dare to be yourself, and follow you own intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t get discouraged by their progress or success. Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.
2. Stop expecting them to respect you more than you respect yourself.
True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.
Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better YOU.
3. Stop expecting (and needing) them to like you.
You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another. Don’t ever forget your worth. Spend time with those who value you. No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person who criticizes you. Smile, ignore them, and carry on.
In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back, not everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because you’re “different.” But that’s perfectly OK. The things that make you different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you for it.
4. Stop expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.
Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate THEM.
Pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to be. We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful. Every human being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are.
5. Stop expecting them to know what you’re thinking.
People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.
In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and effectively. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
6. Stop expecting them to suddenly change.
If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows how you feel and what you need them to do.
For the most part though, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them. It’s might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them – when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are – they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.
7. Stop expecting them to be “OK.”
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle, just like you. Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own.
Remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark. We are measured by our ability to overcome adversities and insecurities, not avoid them. Supporting, sharing and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. This happens naturally if we allow it, because we all share very similar dreams, needs and struggles. Once we accept this, the world then is a place where we can look someone else in the eye and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod and say, “Me too,” and that’s OK. Because not being “OK” all the time, is perfectly OK.
Back in March Lamborghini debuted some renderings of their Veneno supercar. Now just months later, the Italian auto maker has unveiled the official photos of the highly anticipated, limited edition supercar.
The Lamborghini Veneno is quite possibly the closest thing to a real life Batmobile that we have ever seen, and with a price tag of $4.7 million (the world’s most expensive vehicle), you’d have to be Bruce Wayne to afford one. The vehicle seen above (along with three in a separate color scheme) are being released to celebrate the brand’s 50 year anniversary. Although all of the models are accounted for, the vehicle is well worth the feature based on the drool factor alone. Utilizing carbon fiber construction throughout, the 2 seater weighs in at just 3,190 pounds. Under the hood is where the real magic is though. A naturally aspirated 6.5 liter V12 engine powers the Veneno, putting down an impressive 750 horsepower, which is good for a zero to sixty time of 2.8 seconds, and a top speed of 221 horsepower. You might not be able to get your hands on one of these, but Lamborghini does plan on releasing a Lamborghini Veneno Roadster at a later time. That one will only set you back $4.4 million, and will be limited to only 9 units.